Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in guiltyallover's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Wednesday, March 2nd, 2005
8:48 am	this is going to be my last journal for a long time. i no longer feel like i fit in anywhere. i have tried and tried, but no one seems to understand me or relate to me. i sit and listen to you guys talk about how bad you have it when something little changes, but my life has always been like that. i have always been in a cage with no where to turn and no one to really talkto. so i am reclining into my own little world again to suffer with only myself. and if i live to see a more days, then god please help me cope. you may reply to this, but i might not read it, because i do not know if i am even to return to see what you think. yes- all the rumors you ahve probably heard are most likely true, and i no longer care what you people think of me. so what is i have an eating disorder, so what if i screwed some guys over the the summer, so what if i tried to kill myself several times and had to have counseling, i no longer care what you think, so you can say what you want and believe what you want. last night i decided that i have had it. i am tired of all these people making me feel like shit. goodbye Current Mood: sick (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, February 27th, 2005
9:30 am	yesterday was even longer than the day before. got up and went to work and then got out of there and went to church and then i went to the bowling alley again. ben almost go the crap beat out of him, but we won't go into the details on the situation. it wasn't that great of a party crowd in there and i kept getting a headach, so i rode around with john for a while. chris was giving me the eye and started saying something to john about me. john swears it is nothing bad, that it was good, but that makes me want to know even more what he said. i have this feeling though, that it has to do with both me and john. cause at first chris thought we were together. jesse also talked to me alot. he is cool. he says he doesn't rememeber me from the summer, but sort of does. that didn't make any sence. anyways, got to go to work again. tootles. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 26th, 2005
8:07 am	yesterday was a long day. the pep session thingy was okay, but i had a headache afterwards. savannah you get horny over every little thing, if you had really meant what you said, all those guys that were on stage would have been men by now. it was hard to watch tyj play, though. watch d play, it just made me want him back, but oh well, for some reason i get really turned on whe guys play instraments. last night was my first night at work. it was awesome, i am a fast learner. after wards i went to the bowling alley and met up with both bens and kenny, and sandy and shanna, and sarah and others. it was cool. i was so doing my best to keep my hands off ben though. god- he turns me on. got to go to work again this morning and then later maybe i'll catch back up with them. man, now i no longer have free time. i have to work every weekend. (35 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005
8:40 pm	*Stolen from savannah* >> nicknames >> panda, others i prefer not to mention for fear of humiliation >> sex >> female >> Star sign >> leo >> birthday >> august 16, 1987 >> siblings >> 1 twin sis-liz, two younger sisters-sam and lindsey, two younger brothers-nick and clayton, one younger half sis-lauren, two younger half brothers-drew and eric >> hair color >> brown w/ blonde highlights and soon to be red >> eye color >> brown >> skin color>> white/tan/red (depends on what season) >> height >> 5'7 >> weight >> i prefer not to spred that- i am a cow >> piercings >> 5 ear piercings...used to be bellybutton >> tattoos >> not yet- not until this summer, i can't wait ::: DO YOU ::: >> like the taste of alcohol:yep >> have a crush >> yep >> have a boyfriend/girlfriend >> no >> talk to strangers >> yep >> hate yourself >> all the time, except when i'm drunk >> hate people >> yeah- i just don't show it >> sleep with a stuffed animal >> yep- several >> like school >> i like to see my friends there >> do you believe in magic >> a little >> believe in astrology >> not really >> believe in ghosts >> no, but i do believe in spirits >> have secrets >> oh yah- several >> want to go to college >> yep, hoping to get into usi, iu bloomington, of uni. of indy (free board and food there) >> wish on stars >> yep >> sing in the shower >> yep >> like sarcasm >> not really >> go to church >> yep >> pray >> yep >> hate your parents >> somedays >> like to be yourself >> yep >> take a shower everyday >> every once and a while i have to skip a day because i am at another house or am too wasted to get up and do it >> think you're attractive >> no- i am butt ugly >> want to get married >> yep- it is my dream to find my true love >> believe in yourself >> sometimes >> pull your hair >> yep- but it hurts >> share a room >> yep >> write poems >> yep >> write songs >> yep >> get motion sickness >> sometimes >> like thunderstorms >> yep, but i don't know why, i just love it when it is dark and gloomy and raining where the wind is blowing really hard ::: THIS OR THAT ::: >> coke or pepsi >> neither, i drink water >> coffee or tea >> occasionally i'll have tea >> black or white >> black >> hug or kiss >> kiss, i love to make out- i'm an animal >> tv or computer >> computer >> email or aim >> AIM >> rose or lily >> i love blue roses, but i have never gotten a single rose in my life >> math or history >> history >> sweet or sour >> sweet >> club or house party >> house >> drink or shot >> drink >> beer or shot >> shot >> match or lighters >> lighters >> single or group dates >> single >> day or night >> night >> heaven or hell >> heaven >> make love or fuck >> can we do both- maybe at the same time and on the floor where we can get really DIRTY!! >> swiss cheese or american >> swiss >> gold or silver >> Silver- i don't really like gold jewlry >> punk or emo >> punk >> hot or cold >> Hot >> dark or light >> dark >> read or watch tv >> read, unless it is comedy that's on >> spring or autumn >> autumn, i love the colors >> winter or summer >> winter, everything is dead and quit >> operas or plays >> plays >> cds or tapes >> cds >> dvds or vhs >> vhs >> old or new >> antiques are cool >> mexican food or chinese food >> chinese >> commericals or infomercials >> neither >> cars or trucks >> trucks, i think pick-up men are sexy >> passionate kiss or peck >> passionate kiss, long and sweet >> back rub or foot massage >> back rub, leave my nasty feet alone PLEASE! >> picture frames or photo albums >> photo albums >> pens or pencils >> pens..unless I'm drawing >> chocolate milk or hot chocolate >> hot chocolate, on cold days- just don't burn your tounge >> ocean or pool >> pool, i am afraid of really deep water ::: FAVORITE... ::: >> color >> lime green >>type of music >> everything >> tv show >> don't really watch, but i guess cold case >> movie >> mask of zorro >> song >> way too many, but i guess holy water >> band >> too many >> day of the week >> saturday >> month >> october/november >> radio station >> 103.5, 94.3, and 100.5 >> cartoon >> roadrunner >> pizza topping >> sausage or extra cheese >> magazine >> cosmo >> season >> winter >> person to talk to online >> i don't really talk online ::: HAVE YOU EVER ::: >> been in love >> yep, it was great while it lasted, but then he got what he wanted and decided he didn't want me for me >> lied >> yep >> given someone a bath >> yep >> bungee jumped >> no- to scary >> broken the law >> yep >> cut your own hair >> yep >> stalked someone >> no, but i've been stalked >> fought with your parents >> all the time >> been sarcastic >> once or twice >> talked to someone >> hum- i don't know, let me think about it for a moment >> hugged someone >> yep >> laughed until you cried >> yep..more than a few times >> been so drunk you blacked out >> yeah, but i don't remember much after that >> skipped school >> yep >> kept a secret from everyone >> yep >> wanted to hook up with a friend >> yeah, but never gonna do anything about it >> mooned anyone >> yep- good times in indy >> got into a fight >> several times >> thought of killing someone >> once, but most of the time, i think i'll just stick to beating them in my mind >> thought of killing yourself >> yep- but lets not go there again >> gone skinny dipping >> yep >> been on tv >> yep >> been on the radio >> yep >> loved someone so much it made you cry >> yep >> been on an airplane >> yep- twice, to florida and back >> came close to dying >> um- can we not talk about this >> cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend >> this is a little personal don't you think >> terrorized a babysitter >> never had one >> snuck out of the house at night >> yep >> felt like you didn't belong >> yep- all the time >> felt like the third wheel >> yep >> been arrested >> no, and hope i don't cause i don't think anyone but my uncle will bail me out and he doesn't have a very good track record down there >> had your tonsils removed >> no >> won a bet >> yep >> kissed in the rain >> yep >> asked a friend for relationship advice >> all the time >> had a friend steal your boyfriend/girlfriend >> no, cause i don't think they are really friends if they do that >> watched the sunset or sunrise with someone you loved >> yep >> had to wear a uniform to work >> yep- red and black >> bowled a perfect game >> been so long i don't remember- i think i was like 5 >> failed a class >> no, and hope not too- knock on wood ::: WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ::: >> Valentine's day >> hating myself for not having a guy or hating the guy i have because he didn't get me anything >> suicide >> relief >> murder >> serves them right if you think of this >> pre-marital sex >> loves a major factor and too many times we jump in before we are ready, experience has spoken >> threesomes >> a little too much >> politics >> boring, yawn >> cloning >> not good >>britney spears and madonna kissing >> they need to be shot ::: CHILDHOOD ::: >> did you play with barbies >> yah >> did you own treasure trolls? >> yep >> did you play simon >> sometimes >> did you watch fraggle rock >> what? >> were you shy >> no- the total opposite >> were you spoiled >> no- how can you be spoiled with all the kids in my crew >> were you abused >> yep >> were you in a car accident >> no, but close >> did you build snowmen >> every winter- and still do >> did you cry when you scraped your knee >> no, i was tough, but now i probably would >> did you think slinkies were cool >> no >> were your older cousins mean to you >> i was third oldest, but the oldest-cory- he was a bastard >> did you believe in santa >> yep >> did you think the ninja turtles lived in the sewer >> for a while >> were you afraid of the dark >> still am >> did you have slumber parties >> no- i didn't and still don't have many friends, so i never had anyone over ::: RANDOM ::: >> do you believe in aliens >> i'm undecided >> name three things next to your desk >> books, couch, cabinet >> do you have any hidden talents >> um-can we talk about those things outside the bedroom >> do others think you're good looking >> i don't know >> are you afraid of roller coasters >> i used to be, but now i say bring it on >> do you own a pool table >>no >> do you like chocolate >> hell yeah >> what's on your calendar >> work shcedule, possible softball games, dates to pity myself >> how many states have you been to >> every one except Cali., Wash., Oreg., Mont., Wisc., Lous., and some New England states >> ever wished on a shooting star >> yes >> best halloween costume you wore >> dorthy in 3rd grade :::strength::: >> do you play sports>> yep, for school- softball and volleyball, for club- basketball, soccer for fun- tennis, hockey >> how much can you bench>> don't know, just what ever i feel like, sometimes more sometimes less >> how much can you squat>> not for sure >> Pull ups>> no >> Do you cry when something bad happens>> it depends :::People::: >> Who was your first kiss?>> chad >> Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend>> adam >> Who was your last crush>> troy >> Who do admire most>> my grandpa >> Who did you say "I love you" to last?>> chris >> Who do you care about the most?>> my sis >> Who do you miss the most?>> my grandpa >> Who is your best friend?>> don't really have a best, but there are soem few good ones out ther- they know who they are ::: CURENTLY ::: >> wearing >> pj pants, white tank >> watching >> the computer >> eating >> nothing >> listening to >> my sis read >> drinking >> nothing >> thinking >> my headache won't go away >> wishing >> i could be happy >> wanting >> ice cream >> loving >> still searching for that one (Comment on this)
Monday, February 21st, 2005
10:15 am	he said that it is no more its over with, he done and broke it off. i knew it was coming, but i didn't expect it yesterday. i mean i had planned for this great day and he was going to come over and watch movies at my house for the first time. but i guess i scared him off somehow. he called right before he was actually supposed to show up and said it was over. i am kind of pissed right now but other thatn that i don't know what to think. i mean, i spent a lot of time cleaning and crap and then my mother was even making dinner for him so i had to come up with a story for her of why he wasn't coming. other than that yesterday was okay. i got up, fixed some breakfast- biscuits and gravy, went running, which made me feel great, and then i cleaned the house. i have never seen this house look so good. i feel at home now that i can actually see it. today need to run to kentucky to drop off some meat. then i need to work a little on my homeowrk. don't know what else.. might go running again later once i drop nick off at drivers ed. Current Mood: nothing else to clean Current Music: i love you, i hate you, i can't live without you (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, February 18th, 2005
8:38 am	well, my babe is back. he is still a little sick, but he's better- or at least he says he is. poor thing. we aren't going to go to the museum tomorrow, but we may catch a movie or something. today after school i have to run to get my new glasses, drop of my work permit, find some pants, and see if i can find some new cleats. i also have to get gas and i don't have but like fifteen dollars. and then this afternoon terry is coming over and i think we are going butcher. what fun- sarcasm! oh well. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 16th, 2005
8:48 am	well, yesterday got even worse. i couldn't do that to him all day so i talked to him 3rd and 4th period about it. we ended up in a fight over it. it is stressing me . i told him that i didnt' want to fight- it is a very stupid thing to argue about, but now he is mad at me because he thinks i am mad at him, but i told him i wasn't, and he doesn't believe me. and he is also mad because i write stuff on here. and people come up to him and he doesn't like it. but supposedly, last night we cleared everything up. we are putting it behind us. but i don't know how he fells today because he didn't some to school, he picked up the sickness his dad had. conditioning yesterday was nothing. we ran two laps timed and then we threw the rest of the time. it was pretty boring, but i am kind of soar because i ran more afterwards. i am trying to get back in shape, but i can see i have along way to go yet. two weeks killed me. afterwards i ran to lanesville and picked up my grandmother and then we went to the cemetery. we redid the flowers on his grave and then we stood there for a long time talking. he would have been 67 yesterday. i still can't believe it has been four years last week, i only seems like a couple days ago. i miss him so much. then she started talking about taking a cruise to europe and it reminded me of one of our last conversations. the one that he said he'd take me to germany with him that summer. i am still going to do it one of these days, i am going to do it with him in my heart. well, i went to bed last night crying. friday is now open. i was supposed to go prom dress shopping with the girls, but now they all can't. i need to go in for a job interview and pick up my new glasses. but then i don't know what i am goin to do. saturday i am supposed to go to a museum with d and his family, it'll be cool. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 15th, 2005
8:43 am	today is about the same- hum drum thanks to the people who made me smile yesterday. i don't really know what a great v day is because mine have always been crap but you few sure made my day. thanks to joey for the candy hearts. thanks to schenck for the candy in the plastic heart. thanks to my lil sis lindsey for the valentine with all the stickers. i am giving him the silent treatment all day. there is no excuses. and what is worse that he had the guts to bring me something today. and i found out that he gave allmy cupcakes away and last night when he was coming up with more excuses, he was talking to marcel and was trying to make up by saying we haven't been together that long. bad moves add up. everyone is looking at him. i think he is embarrassed. well, at least one good thing has come out of this. my step dad has always put me down and just been crap to me, but yesterday when he found out about it, he called him a jerk and then he got me some candy. you don't understand- my step dad has never done anything nice for me. growing up- i was always a failure to him and he's hated me and beat me. but here lately he has changed and last night i felt loved for once. it was weird. conditioning was easy yesterday. not much did. ran 4 figure thingies in the gym and then i jogged while they did some sprints. then we threw till and 4:30. then me and savannah jogged inside until 5. then i went home did some homework and then headed back into town to take my lil sis to a junior high dance. i think it is so cute that she has the biggest crush on david. i told him he is beating becker, he better watch out. if becker finds out he has stolen his title then he may get mad. while i was waiting for her dance thing to get over with, i went and visited my grandparents. we talked about today and the days back when. it is very interesting to listen to them. today after conditioning, i am to go get my grandma and go to the cemetery to visit grandpa. today is his birthday. i think about him everyday. he was my hero, my best friend. i miss talking to him like i used to. Current Mood: okay (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, February 14th, 2005
9:18 am	kind of mad right now if ya can't tell, but i am not going into that. this morning has been rough. i woke up late, and then the horses were out so i had to get them in. got mud all over me, found out that they had eaten half a barrel of feed- dumb things will probably die of colic. got ready and to school late. didn't get much time with d and then he told me he got up late and didnt' have time to get me anything. yesterday was okay. i got up and took my sis to sunday school. later i cleaned house, and made cupcakes. then that night i was to go to d's but his dad was sick so we ran around town. ate a bite and then ended up at the playground. he's an animal. today better get better. my leg is feeling alittle better, btu i haven't decided if i am going to run or not. i really want to, but i don't want to get hurt again and i don't know if i will or not. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
8:42 am	what kind of excuse is i waked up late? you got to school here early, why couldn't you just go this morning anyway. i am so disappointed. i knew i would be. i told ya ash, but you made me think otherwise. oh well. schenck gave me somem candy- yum. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 12th, 2005
6:30 pm	well, today was ruined. it always seems to happen. i should have already expected it. but oh well. last night d called me and said he couldn't take me down to lagrange. i siad i could get a ride with rj, but then my parents found out and thought i was lying since my story changed and now i can't go anywhere. so i am now sitting here, just got done making supper, waiting for all them to come home so we can eat. and then i think i might get wasted so i feel a little better. watched grease last night. cried my heart out too. why am i not happy. i should be. all except for my leg that is still hurting me and that i can't get out of the house. went for a walk earlier through the woods. i ended up way up past risings, which is about 3 miles away. all woods have grown up through there since last time i was back that far. it was really peaceful and i almost felt like i was myself again, but then i lost it and cried some more. tomorrow will be better. i am going to tke my lil sis to sunday school and later, after d gets off work i am going over to his house. he says he has a surprise for me but he isn't going to give it to me until monday, he says not to get my hopes up though. i told him that i really don't want anything monday except some time with him, but i won't get that. i have condition (even though i probably won't get to do anything but walk) and then he has to sponsor a junior high dance. sorry bout not hanging with ya ronnie. i was really looking forward to it, but my bubbles are always burst. maybe a couple weekends from now. (Comment on this)
Friday, February 11th, 2005
7:11 pm	the days keep on flying, and i am left behind in the dust today went by fast. it was okay for the most part. i got more sleep last night for the first in a while. it was great. and i felt so much better today because of it. i still don't know what my chemistry grade was on my test. it is kind of driving me insane, but i am probably better off not knowing at all. i did pretty aweful. i have also started looking at what my schedule might be next year. anyone got any suggestions for some cool classes that i can fill in my empty spots with? i can't wait until tomorrow night. i am going to go to the tyj concert and it is going to be a blast. d is going to com epick me up at 5 with kevin and then we are going to follow behind the others. ash said something about stopping at dairy queen before hand, so maybe i can also get my favorite milk shake, what's a better way to start a great night. sunday, after d gets off work, he is going to come get me and then we are going back to his house and ........ to watch a movie. sometime sunday, i also have to get d gift ready for monday morning. not only is it valentine's day, but it also a month on that date that we have been together. we won't get to spend much time together monday, because he has to go to that jr high dance they are sponsoring, but maybe we can rain check it. i hope so. i am halfway watching the news right now. i hope charles, no offense old man, doesn't get the crown. it would be really awesome if they skipped him and handed the crown to his son, william. he is so gorgous. speaking of nice and fine looking guys, joey- you have found one GOOD looking guy. try and get him to come up here. i want to see this hunk in person. you sure have a NICE peice of ass talking to ya, if ya don't mind me saying so. and ash- i lick my finger to ya, my lesbian lover. Current Mood: nausia Current Music: entertainment tonight in the background (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 10th, 2005
8:45 am	i am so tired right now. i think all this stress is causing me insomnia. i think i need some sleeping pills, or the old fashion way- booze. well, apparently there is this rumor going around that i am getting a bunch of seniors and people together to get mal and ashley kicked off the softball team. i don't know people would think that, but i find it kind of funny, since i really don't talk to anyone except ash, joey, sarah and savanah. i almost said that i was just to see what kind of face mal would make. i am crossing my fingers about saturday. i had asked my parents about it, but my mother said she didn't trust me enough to go that far away- even though it isn't that far. but this morning, she said she was thinking a little more about it as long as i get back by about 11. still tight, but at this point i will take anything to get out. i am so sick of these boundaries. it is true- once you loss that trust, you never get it back. it is hell. Current Mood: tired (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 9th, 2005
8:46 am	man- today is the first day ofl ent and being a catholic i have to fast all day. i am so hungry it isn't even funny. but oh well. i still don't know what i am going to give up. better get thinking about that. i don't have much to say right now. last night i was sick again. i thought i had it under control, but now i am starting to wonder about it. but i don't want to think about it. i have so much stress as it is since i can't run. but today i am feeling really good. i have had three huge cups of coffee to get me going instead of breakfast and i am getting kind of hyper. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 8th, 2005
8:46 am	today i fell a little better. i don't know what was wrong with me yesterday. i just don't have anytimt to do anything. i fell pushed with everything. i don't have anytime for myself, my friends, my family, or my guy. and it is EATING ME!!! today i feel a little better, but i am so pissed. i thought my leg would actually be healed by yesterday but it wasn't and i pulled it again. god hates me. why?????? now i have to sit out all over again. i think i am going to pity myself now. things with d are okay. i told him what was wrong yesterday, and hopefully we can talk today. that is probably what was eating me up yesterday. ah- i am SO STRESSED! i need a vacation NOW!!! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, February 7th, 2005
8:42 am	he doesn't know how i feel i'm scared. i don't know what to do. i need to talk to him. he says that he feels i am not comfortable around him. but i am. i am starting to like him too much. and the way he talked like last night frightened me. i am afraid that i am going to get hurt again. maybe that is why he feels like i am not comfortable. this morning i felt as if there was a tension between us. like there's something wrong. i want to cry. i wish i could had time to talk to him. Current Mood: drained (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 5th, 2005
9:35 am	yesterday i was in heaven- well almost. i ended up spending the day with d and it was great. we went and got his oil changed after school- but he got upset because his transmission was messed up and ended up spending around 100 dollars on it. but i cheered him up. we then went to my house, dropped off my stuff and then went to his house. i was introduced to his mom and his babies- luke and duke. they were so cute. he gave me the tour of his room- which is really cool, then we sat on his bed and talked until his dad got home. i was introduced to him and then we ate. his mom is an awesome cook! afterwards we watched eurotrip. i have never seen it before. he covered my eyes on the bad parts, it was funny. then his sister and tom showed up. i was also introduced to them, but i already knew tom. his sis found out that i have horses and is determined to come over and visit. we ended up playing cards then and it was fun listening to him talk stuff with his parents. they are funny. at about 10 i had to get home so we left. it was a great night. i'll leave out other details because you guys probably don't want to know about them, but he is such a great guy. i feel so special. Current Mood: too much coffee- HYPER Current Music: upside down, bouncing off the ceilings (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005
9:06 am	wow- i can't believe who i just saw in the hallway. ben has actually moved to corydon. i know a while back his uncle had said he was going to move in with him once he turned 18, but i didn't think that would mean he would go to school here. i jsut assumed that he would drive himeself to north every day. but i jsut saw him in the hall figuring out a schedule. this is going to be cool. but at the same time i am a little uneasy. oh well, he's a great guy, maybe i can talk to him at lunch. d is being such a gentleman. i have never in my life meet anyone like him. i feel so special to be with him. he makes me laugh and smile no matter what kind of day i am having. and when he kisses my hand before we split, it's so sweet. that was a close call yesterday when i could have kissed him goodbye. only afterwards (and thank god i didn't) did cheyenne tell me he kissed a fish in oceanography. man- what friends i have, after the whole running into the door thing, i thought i knew who was there to laugh at me and who was there to look out for those obsticles. what friends, you got to love them can't go to conditioning today. drummand told me to jsut go home and ice for the next couple days. which sucks because i love to run. it is driving me insane to sit and do nothing. and i don't like people looking at me liek i am faking it or something. it drives me up the wall, but my thigh is in pain and i can't sprint. i told drummand that i would just jog the entire practice, but he said no, he doesn't want me there. now i feel as if i am sitting on my ass gaining 20 lbs cause that was really the only way i knew how to exercise. maybe i need to talk to conrad about his cross country streches, since he wants me to run next year anyway, and get some tips from him. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 1st, 2005
8:45 am	well, what crap. i now have proof that god doesn't want me to be happy. he just ruins everything. i actually have a chance this year at being good and i have to go and pull a muscle. but i dont' care what drummand says, i am still going to conditioning. i might not sprint or anything, but i am going to run the whole time. i am not going to sit on my ass like a lazy bum. but why does god do this to me? everything goes wrong. and when something does end up going well, he makes something bad happen. what did i do to deserve it- okay dont' answer that question. today i feel good, besides my leg which is really tight and a little soar. d is being such a gentleman. i feel so special when i am with him. i know he wants to kiss me again, but i don't think he is one for pda stuff so he kisses my hand everytime we go our seperate ways. it's so sweet. ash makes me blush though. she picks on me about it. man, i have to start a book report. i better get on it. and i have to finish spanish, which i never can learn because the teacher never really teaches. oh man and i just remembered i also have precal homework. damn it. i am really starting to fuckin hate school. (Comment on this)
Monday, January 31st, 2005
1:24 pm	well, i don't have much time, yesterday was cool. d picked me up and we went to the mall together. we walked around all the stores and smelled candels and stuff. after we wasted time in there we went to the playground. i sat in his lap and we sat on the swings forever. it was cooled and we were trying to keep eachother warm. then he finally made his move. i knew it was coming he made it so obvious. this coming weekend he is off friday and sat. he may play, and i might get to go watch. i can't wait to find out. and i finally got a job, or at least it is promised to me. i am so happy (2 Comments |Comment on this)